Today was my first day volunteering at a local organization called Confidential Care for Women. I loved my first day! Couldn't finish my orientation material since different things came up, but they were things that will happen probably every time. So I'm going to go back in 2 days and finish up (hopefully). Everyone I told that I was studying to become a Midwife were very interested and actually very impressed. One of my co-workers was so impressed she came and asked me some details and shared a couple of stories with me a little later on.
A woman I met today was intrigued because she had no idea that midwives existed, she thought hospital delivery was the only option in childbirth. When she found out I was 19 she shared what she was doing with her life, let's just say she encouraged me to learn from her that what I was striving for was practically the best life decision I can possibly make. When we were saying goodbye she said if I mess up my life she was going to come and hit me over the head (that wasn't what she said but I can't exactly quote her word for word on this blog), I felt the best way to respond was with a "Yes ma'am". Shortly after that I realized that I have just volunteered to experience probably the best learning opportunity for my entire life as a young adult. And knowing that makes me want to not only give everything I can, but now I guess I have something that requires just enough beyond what I comfortably and naturally give of myself that I have to stretch and make myself an even better person.
Confusing but stay with me, I'll try to explain a little better. The environment I was raised in was beyond just being described as AMAZING and also very blessedly sheltered. So different things in my life have a very firm foundation in what I have had instilled in me. But... I only needed to be strong in my faith for me (and girls who look up to me and adults who trust me but ultimately being strong in my faith was for me and my relationship with God). Volunteering at Confidential Care for Women has opened the door for me to share God with people, to show them that I am someone they can trust and can expect me to still love them no matter what they might share with me about themselves that most people aren't sure how to handle, and an opportunity to prove that I care about them as a person not as a statistic. But I have to be a strong person in faith because counseling a pregnant 13 year old isn't something to be approached with anything less than a constant silent prayer that I can say everything God might need for me to say to this scared, defensive, young girl. And body language, word choice, tone of voice, and even the simplest of gestures can portray in an instant to a client something that makes them shut down and not trust me. So a sensitive responsive constant communication with God is one of the minimum requirement for this volunteering opportunity I have signed up for. And I am ready for this challenge!!!! Or rather this adventure of my life.
And since getting an apprenticeship with a midwife is top priority in my life, I can only volunteer for 1 day so far. Which after today is hard because how can I stick to volunteering one day when I want to be there everyday?!? I'm excited for all the potential this adventure has to shape me into an entirely different person.
So.... if you notice something has changed about me the next time you see me and you can't really place a finger on it, here's an explanation of one of the contributing factors to possibly a perceivable noticed difference in me. Or maybe not an outward difference, but definitely an inward. And this is only after my first day! Absolutely marvelous, huh?
Monday, July 25, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Moving again...
Well tomorrow I'm moving to Millington, TN (about 2 hours from where I live right now) with my parents.
Originally I mentioned re-evaluating about whether or not to move with them in about 3 months (I think). That changed itself.
So my life has been pretty chaotic! I have literally moved going on 3 times within 3 months. I'm becoming a gypsy. A good sort of gypsy that is. And having nothing feel like home really doesn't bother me as much as I originally thought it would. Another thing in my life that makes me feel like a 'gypsy', is that nearly every plan or detail in my life changes mid-action. Like I could be running out the door for a last minute plan, and then the last minute plan is canceled. So I switch gears. And when I am in the middle of a thought of doing something else, another last minute invitation works out and I'm running out the door again.
With moving, the moving dated changed I think twice. So literally all my stuff has been packed since the beginning of this week :-) One side of constantly changing plans is that you either left one step ahead or more than one step behind.
But what is life without stress, drama, or a tragedy of some sort? I could really settle with a lesser dose of drama in my personal life, just for my own sanity sake ;-)
Anyway.... another adventure of my life, which is opening doors to even more adventures. Maybe you'll hear more from me with pictures (dreaming big here) too! Because it's like I'm changing lifestyles to a slower more solitary one. Which is new and full of time to kill :-)
<3 The "Gypsy"
Originally I mentioned re-evaluating about whether or not to move with them in about 3 months (I think). That changed itself.
So my life has been pretty chaotic! I have literally moved going on 3 times within 3 months. I'm becoming a gypsy. A good sort of gypsy that is. And having nothing feel like home really doesn't bother me as much as I originally thought it would. Another thing in my life that makes me feel like a 'gypsy', is that nearly every plan or detail in my life changes mid-action. Like I could be running out the door for a last minute plan, and then the last minute plan is canceled. So I switch gears. And when I am in the middle of a thought of doing something else, another last minute invitation works out and I'm running out the door again.
With moving, the moving dated changed I think twice. So literally all my stuff has been packed since the beginning of this week :-) One side of constantly changing plans is that you either left one step ahead or more than one step behind.
But what is life without stress, drama, or a tragedy of some sort? I could really settle with a lesser dose of drama in my personal life, just for my own sanity sake ;-)
Anyway.... another adventure of my life, which is opening doors to even more adventures. Maybe you'll hear more from me with pictures (dreaming big here) too! Because it's like I'm changing lifestyles to a slower more solitary one. Which is new and full of time to kill :-)
<3 The "Gypsy"
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Who Calls Me Beautiful
This was a very moving passage, for me personally, in a book I'm reading called "Who Calls Me Beautiful" by Regina Franklin.(Thanks Mrs. Tara!) Written in the perspective of God to each woman individually who listens to the lies of the world of what's beautiful or not.
Before the beginning of time, I knew you. I knew what color your eyes would be, and I could hear the sound of your laughter. Like a proud father who carries a picture of his daughter, I carried the image of you in My eyes, for you were created in My image Before the beginning of time, I chose you. I spoke your names into the heavens, and I smiled as its melody resounded off the walls of My heart.
You are Mine. My love for you extends farther than the stars in the sky and deeper than any ocean. You are My pearl of great price, the one for whom I gave everything. I cradle you in the palm of My hand. I love you even in the face of your failure. Nothing you say or do can cause Me to stop loving you. I am relentless in My pursuit of you. Run from Me-- I will love you. Spurn Me-- I will love you. Reject yourself-- I will love you. You see, My love for you was slain before the foundations of the world and I have never regretted the sacrifice I made for you at Calvary.
When I see every part of who you are, I marvel at the work of My hands, for I whispered words of longing and desire and you came into existence. You are beautiful, and I take pleasure in you-- heart, mind, and body. You are My desire. When you turn your head in shame and despise what I have made, still I reach for you with gentle passion. You are My beloved and I am Yours.
(Author's adaptation from 1 John 3:2; Isaiah 43:1; Matthew 13:46; Ephesians 1:4; Revelation 13:8; Psalm 194:4; Song of Solomon 7:10; 6:3)
I know all of this is true. And how can I not be so completely humbled and broken that I feel like I have to ask God over and over again, "Why me?"
And just knowing that I can still bring a sparkle to God's eye even when I feel like His greatest disappointment makes me also feel even more unworthy. Because I feel like such a loser sometimes. Why would He be proud of me? But He is. And He wants to show me off, make a midwife out of me because that is His calling for me, and equips me every day to live for Him.
And the stupid thing is, is I get so bogged down by the things of this world and everything the devil tries to tempt me with that I forget all of this. And I find myself smudging the lines in my heart and in my conscience of what's right and what's wrong. And not feeling guilty for picking the sparkly, instant gratification, and flesh building things that the devil offers all the time to make me forget why believing in God and being a part of His Church is worth it all. And on top of all of that, picking the path with least resistance -which makes me easy prey- is just how you begin to walk when you fall for the devil's delusional (which means: to mislead the mind or judgment of; to deceive) gifts.
I guess my wake up call came just in time :-) There is some definite warfare in the spiritual realm, and I don't want to miss out on the fun. (Just kidding about the fun part)
Before the beginning of time, I knew you. I knew what color your eyes would be, and I could hear the sound of your laughter. Like a proud father who carries a picture of his daughter, I carried the image of you in My eyes, for you were created in My image Before the beginning of time, I chose you. I spoke your names into the heavens, and I smiled as its melody resounded off the walls of My heart.
You are Mine. My love for you extends farther than the stars in the sky and deeper than any ocean. You are My pearl of great price, the one for whom I gave everything. I cradle you in the palm of My hand. I love you even in the face of your failure. Nothing you say or do can cause Me to stop loving you. I am relentless in My pursuit of you. Run from Me-- I will love you. Spurn Me-- I will love you. Reject yourself-- I will love you. You see, My love for you was slain before the foundations of the world and I have never regretted the sacrifice I made for you at Calvary.
When I see every part of who you are, I marvel at the work of My hands, for I whispered words of longing and desire and you came into existence. You are beautiful, and I take pleasure in you-- heart, mind, and body. You are My desire. When you turn your head in shame and despise what I have made, still I reach for you with gentle passion. You are My beloved and I am Yours.
(Author's adaptation from 1 John 3:2; Isaiah 43:1; Matthew 13:46; Ephesians 1:4; Revelation 13:8; Psalm 194:4; Song of Solomon 7:10; 6:3)
I know all of this is true. And how can I not be so completely humbled and broken that I feel like I have to ask God over and over again, "Why me?"
And just knowing that I can still bring a sparkle to God's eye even when I feel like His greatest disappointment makes me also feel even more unworthy. Because I feel like such a loser sometimes. Why would He be proud of me? But He is. And He wants to show me off, make a midwife out of me because that is His calling for me, and equips me every day to live for Him.
And the stupid thing is, is I get so bogged down by the things of this world and everything the devil tries to tempt me with that I forget all of this. And I find myself smudging the lines in my heart and in my conscience of what's right and what's wrong. And not feeling guilty for picking the sparkly, instant gratification, and flesh building things that the devil offers all the time to make me forget why believing in God and being a part of His Church is worth it all. And on top of all of that, picking the path with least resistance -which makes me easy prey- is just how you begin to walk when you fall for the devil's delusional (which means: to mislead the mind or judgment of; to deceive) gifts.
I guess my wake up call came just in time :-) There is some definite warfare in the spiritual realm, and I don't want to miss out on the fun. (Just kidding about the fun part)
Monday, May 23, 2011
Life Catch Up
I haven't blogged in a long time!!! And wow, a lot has happened!!!
The adventure that Life has me on at the moment is pretty confusing. There are far to many high and lows for someone like me who hates feeling emotional and out of control. But I've had a lot of growth to show for all the hard times. And I can honestly say I have experienced that when I get pushed to my limit-- I don't break, it takes a couple of deep breaths on my part then I work on getting my life back together... but I'm stronger for it. And spiritually, emotionally, and whatever else (physically?, personally?) I'm a different person. And the following events are all contributors to the new me :)
I got to talk on the phone with my Module Instructor, which really helped. She's Awesome, she helped me understand I wasn't a failure even though I felt like one. People are counting on me to become a midwife, supporting me etc and I felt like a failure because, at the time, Life took me out. And I was afraid I came to a point where the only option was to wimp out, and I looked at the long run of schooling and asked myself if I was going to let myself fail again. So that experience I've learned from.
So this is a public version of 'Life Catch Up' from the new Me :)
The adventure that Life has me on at the moment is pretty confusing. There are far to many high and lows for someone like me who hates feeling emotional and out of control. But I've had a lot of growth to show for all the hard times. And I can honestly say I have experienced that when I get pushed to my limit-- I don't break, it takes a couple of deep breaths on my part then I work on getting my life back together... but I'm stronger for it. And spiritually, emotionally, and whatever else (physically?, personally?) I'm a different person. And the following events are all contributors to the new me :)
- I got my passage in March. That whole experience and blessing was a series of emptying everything out of me then filling me overflowing with encouragement and nuggets of wisdom that I am still processing. I think it will be there for me to pull from for the rest of my life. And now I have a relationships with the other ladies that for most of my life I've held at a level where it was a kind a barrier between me and them. Also I have to get use to how I am now not allowed to call some of them "Mrs. Fill in the Blank", which is like experiencing life reform in itself. I've called them 'Mrs. Fill in the Blank' for as long as they've been apart of my life. Anyway my passage was one of the events that changed my life.
- I went to Mexico for 3 weeks not even a week after my passage. That trip was hard... a lot of things in my life including emotional boundaries in myself were challenged and changed. Which writing it like that sounds like giving in, but was another one of those moments I was pushed to my breaking point but I'm still alive to learn from it.
- When I went to Mexico I had to bring a couple of Midwifery Lessons with me which I wasn't humanly capable to finish all of them. So I came home swamped with lessons, my friend was getting married, my immune system held out the whole time while in Mexico but when I got home it kinda gave up -pleurisy in your lungs isn't in any of my definitions of fun let me tell you-, and I was an emotional mess... So with all those contributing factors I failed my Second Module and I have to take it again.
I got to talk on the phone with my Module Instructor, which really helped. She's Awesome, she helped me understand I wasn't a failure even though I felt like one. People are counting on me to become a midwife, supporting me etc and I felt like a failure because, at the time, Life took me out. And I was afraid I came to a point where the only option was to wimp out, and I looked at the long run of schooling and asked myself if I was going to let myself fail again. So that experience I've learned from.
- Now more currently, I live at Dean and David P. house. That's an adventure of life :)
- And my parents and my only annoying, lovable, little brother are planning on moving to Millington. I'm not freaking out (which is Rule #1 if anyone remembers), I'm still trying to figure out what I feel and think about that whole deal. I'm not moving with them at the moment but I am planning on re-evaluating that decision within the next 3 months or so.
So this is a public version of 'Life Catch Up' from the new Me :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I passed the test.
Well I passed the test at the end of the workshops with a 92.86%. Not as well as I could have done but it is still a very good grade.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
San Antonio here I come!!!
Tonight at 7pm my mom, Mrs Shalom, and I are leaving to San Antonio in our amazing Prius. We are going to drive for a while tonight then get a hotel room and take off again tomorrow morning. It takes about 13 hours for us to get there and I need to be at class no later than 8:30 am on Thursday. And I've discovered I am too much of a procrastinator and for the past few days I have been trying desperately to get some big assignments wrapped up. I still have to write a Research Paper on the History of Midwifery.....
Anyway I'm nearly on the first of many trips to Texas! My eyes are glazed at all that I've yet to accomplish and have accomplished in this day alone.
Take Luck
Anyway I'm nearly on the first of many trips to Texas! My eyes are glazed at all that I've yet to accomplish and have accomplished in this day alone.
Take Luck
Monday, December 20, 2010
First of MANY trips to Texas
In about 2 1/2 weeks I will be going to San Antonio, Texas to take my first test on Module 1: Introduction to Midwifery. I have 5 other fellow students that I will get to meet. Basically I will be in a classroom like setting from 8am-5pm with an hour lunch break Thursday, January 6th and Friday, January 7th. This test won't be very hard but unfortunately I still have a couple of assignments that I need to complete to turn in the night of January 5th. So I will be cramming those in with my current A&P lessons. Now the A&P test/workshop/class thing will be considerably harder when I have to go again to San Antonio in May. Because Anatomy and Physiology hands down is just harder than learning the rules and regulations for being a midwife in Texas or learning the history of Midwifery. So another little update about my up-incoming first of MANY trips to Texas.
I also got invited to Becky's birth which will be in January sometime. She's due the end of January but everyone knows she'll go before her due date :). I am so tickled that she invited me not to help but to be there, I was happy and giddy all day long (no joke). Another thing is she has a Memphis midwife attending her birth so I will get to meet her and her assistant. And just all the opportunities that offers are amazing! I really can't wait!!!!
I also got invited to Becky's birth which will be in January sometime. She's due the end of January but everyone knows she'll go before her due date :). I am so tickled that she invited me not to help but to be there, I was happy and giddy all day long (no joke). Another thing is she has a Memphis midwife attending her birth so I will get to meet her and her assistant. And just all the opportunities that offers are amazing! I really can't wait!!!!
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