Monday, July 25, 2011

First Day Volunteering (kind of a long entry)

Today was my first day volunteering at a local organization called Confidential Care for Women. I loved my first day! Couldn't finish my orientation material since different things came up, but they were things that will happen probably every time. So I'm going to go back in 2 days and finish up (hopefully). Everyone I told that I was studying to become a Midwife were very interested and actually very impressed. One of my co-workers was so impressed she came and asked me some details and shared a couple of stories with me a little later on.
A woman I met today was intrigued because she had no idea that midwives existed, she thought hospital delivery was the only option in childbirth. When she found out I was 19 she shared what she was doing with her life, let's just say she encouraged me to learn from her that what I was striving for was practically the best life decision I can possibly make. When we were saying goodbye she said if I mess up my life she was going to come and hit me over the head (that wasn't what she said but I can't exactly quote her word for word on this blog), I felt the best way to respond was with a "Yes ma'am". Shortly after that I realized that I have just volunteered to experience probably the best learning opportunity for my entire life as a young adult. And knowing that makes me want to not only give everything I can, but now I guess I have something that requires just enough beyond what I comfortably and naturally give of myself that I have to stretch and make myself an even better person.

Confusing but stay with me, I'll try to explain a little better. The environment I was raised in was beyond just being described as AMAZING and also very blessedly sheltered. So different things in my life have a very firm foundation in what I have had instilled in me. But... I only needed to be strong in my faith for me (and girls who look up to me and adults who trust me but ultimately being strong in my faith was for me and my relationship with God). Volunteering at Confidential Care for Women has opened the door for me to share God with people, to show them that I am someone they can trust and can expect me to still love them no matter what they might share with me about themselves that most people aren't sure how to handle, and an opportunity to prove that I care about them as a person not as a statistic. But I have to be a strong person in faith because counseling a pregnant 13 year old isn't something to be approached with anything less than a constant silent prayer that I can say everything God might need for me to say to this scared, defensive, young girl. And body language, word choice, tone of voice, and even the simplest of gestures can portray in an instant to a client something that makes them shut down and not trust me. So a sensitive responsive constant communication with God is one of the minimum requirement for this volunteering opportunity I have signed up for. And I am ready for this challenge!!!! Or rather this adventure of my life.

And since getting an apprenticeship with a midwife is top priority in my life, I can only volunteer for 1 day so far. Which after today is hard because how can I stick to volunteering one day when I want to be there everyday?!? I'm excited for all the potential this adventure has to shape me into an entirely different person.

So.... if you notice something has changed about me the next time you see me and you can't really place a finger on it, here's an explanation of one of the contributing factors to possibly a perceivable noticed difference in me. Or maybe not an outward difference, but definitely an inward. And this is only after my first day! Absolutely marvelous, huh?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Moving again...

Well tomorrow I'm moving to Millington, TN (about 2 hours from where I live right now) with my parents.

Originally I mentioned re-evaluating about whether or not to move with them in about 3 months (I think). That changed itself.

So my life has been pretty chaotic! I have literally moved going on 3 times within 3 months. I'm becoming a gypsy. A good sort of gypsy that is. And having nothing feel like home really doesn't bother me as much as I originally thought it would. Another thing in my life that makes me feel like a 'gypsy', is that nearly every plan or detail in my life changes mid-action. Like I could be running out the door for a last minute plan, and then the last minute plan is canceled. So I switch gears. And when I am in the middle of a thought of doing something else, another last minute invitation works out and I'm running out the door again.
With moving, the moving dated changed I think twice. So literally all my stuff has been packed since the beginning of this week :-) One side of constantly changing plans is that you either left one step ahead or more than one step behind.

But what is life without stress, drama, or a tragedy of some sort? I could really settle with a lesser dose of drama in my personal life, just for my own sanity sake ;-)

Anyway.... another adventure of my life, which is opening doors to even more adventures. Maybe you'll hear more from me with pictures (dreaming big here) too! Because it's like I'm changing lifestyles to a slower more solitary one. Which is new and full of time to kill :-)

<3 The "Gypsy"

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Who Calls Me Beautiful

This was a very moving passage, for me personally, in a book I'm reading called "Who Calls Me Beautiful" by Regina Franklin.(Thanks Mrs. Tara!) Written in the perspective of God to each woman individually who listens to the lies of the world of what's beautiful or not.

Before the beginning of time, I knew you. I knew what color your eyes would be, and I could hear the sound of your laughter. Like a proud father who carries a picture of his daughter, I carried the image of you in My eyes, for you were created in My image Before the beginning of time, I chose you. I spoke your names into the heavens, and I smiled as its melody resounded off the walls of My heart.
You are Mine. My love for you extends farther than the stars in the sky and deeper than any ocean. You are My pearl of great price, the one for whom I gave everything. I cradle you in the palm of My hand. I love you even in the face of your failure. Nothing you say or do can cause Me to stop loving you. I am relentless in My pursuit of you. Run from Me-- I will love you. Spurn Me-- I will love you. Reject yourself-- I will love you. You see, My love for you was slain before the foundations of the world and I have never regretted the sacrifice I made for you at Calvary.
When I see every part of who you are, I marvel at the work of My hands, for I whispered words of longing and desire and you came into existence. You are beautiful, and I take pleasure in you-- heart, mind, and body. You are My desire. When you turn your head in shame and despise what I have made, still I reach for you with gentle passion. You are My beloved and I am Yours.

(Author's adaptation from 1 John 3:2; Isaiah 43:1; Matthew 13:46; Ephesians 1:4; Revelation 13:8; Psalm 194:4; Song of Solomon 7:10; 6:3)

I know all of this is true. And how can I not be so completely humbled and broken that I feel like I have to ask God over and over again, "Why me?"

And just knowing that I can still bring a sparkle to God's eye even when I feel like His greatest disappointment makes me also feel even more unworthy. Because I feel like such a loser sometimes. Why would He be proud of me? But He is. And He wants to show me off, make a midwife out of me because that is His calling for me, and equips me every day to live for Him.

And the stupid thing is, is I get so bogged down by the things of this world and everything the devil tries to tempt me with that I forget all of this. And I find myself smudging the lines in my heart and in my conscience of what's right and what's wrong. And not feeling guilty for picking the sparkly, instant gratification, and flesh building things that the devil offers all the time to make me forget why believing in God and being a part of His Church is worth it all. And on top of all of that, picking the path with least resistance -which makes me easy prey- is just how you begin to walk when you fall for the devil's delusional (which means: to mislead the mind or judgment of; to deceive) gifts.

I guess my wake up call came just in time :-) There is some definite warfare in the spiritual realm, and I don't want to miss out on the fun. (Just kidding about the fun part)